Newly single, a growing desire to express and embody my sexuality, and the need to experience emotional and physical intimacy; I’ve recently started dating after 6 years of heteronormative monogamy in my marriage.

This past weekend, someone I likely knew closely in the past attempted to anonymously shame my sexuality.

As soon as I read the comment, a stinging heat took over my inner experience. My heart squeezed, and my breath shortened. It was the beginning of a shame spiral and I knew it.

One of the ways consensual culture is growing within me is our essential design of feeling belonging to ourselves and each other- a central thesis to this body of work.

As I deepen my relationship to my needs and limits; a muscle that eluded me for most of my life and early adulthood, a desire for more intimacy, connection and emotional depth has emerged.

As the sky looms cloudy and grey in San Diego, I’m relating to a false sense of urgency within me that I’ve come to know intimately over the last few years in my embodiment journey.

This felt-sense of speed and scarcity is a product of being socialized within capitalism where it feels unsafe if I’m not constantly producing and working.

In the following week after we launched the consensual culture fundraiser last Monday, I froze.

I froze because asking for $25,000 is not just about making sure our team and business are well resourced, nor just about creating scholarships for queer, trans Black, Brown & Indigenous folks.